Yesterday, Today's Memories

They were twenty four,
sixteen left and we still here
going through the motions
that will keep us alive

We will go the bedroom
which is still intact, and look at it
intensively, pensively with
tears in our eyes, and think
I can remember when he was
just a little kid and painted on the wall
and with sad laughter we will,
remember them

In the bathroom the toothbrush
remains, the shampoo now untouched
the bar soap still, the curtain with the fish
hanging on the rod
our hand will touch it trying to feel
that someone that is no longer there,
with tears in our eyes we will think
how silly, and sadly smile

We will go to the garage
but will not open the door,
afraid to see the hockey sticks
lined up neatly in a row
ready to go

The hockey skates will be hanging
on that nail along with the rest,
the equipment bag so stinky,
and, we will remember
how we told them
just wash it man!

When we to go the arena
to cheers others
we will have tears in our eyes
go Humboldt Broncos go! We will yell
but no one will hear us,
with that deep knot on our throats
cutting at the edges
slicing us like a knife
ever so slowly, remembering
that they are no longer here,
and, we'll sink in our seats
our heads hanging by a thread
hoping to see her fixing bodies
and him scoring goals

Yesterday will be today's memories,
as we flip through the photo album
of when she was a cheerful child
full of life;
and he was only beginning to skate 
and trying to stop the pucks
coming into the net, 
even at only three
he was a champion we will think,
with tears in our eyes
and we will shake our heads,
and wondering - How this all happened?

We will sink in our beds
trying to comfort one another,
but only briefly we will feel better
as the absence of that person
that we loved once is no longer here
We will blame ourselves
but there is no need, why should we?
After all he wanted to play hockey,
and she wanted to mend the broken muscles
they died doing what they loved
Yeah, that's what we will say
trying to make ourselves feel better

But no, yesterday, today's memories
we will move on with our eyes focus straight ahead
and our memories in the past
because that is all we have now
we will never get over it, no one ever will

We were lucky to have have them
we will think but no, not true
with tears in our eyes
and semi-smiles on our faces
we will comfort one another
trying to make sense of the senseless
trying to comprehend
and think today about yesterday

Go Broncos go! We will yell
but no one will hear us,
with that deep knot on our throats
cutting at the edges
slicing us like a knife
ever so slowly, remembering
that she and he are no longer here
and we sink in our seats
our heads hanging by a thread
hoping to see her fixing bodies
or him scoring goals

Yesterday is all we have left
and will fondly and lovely
remember today what happened
at Thanksgiving or the playoffs,
who scored what goal
and that save that make our
goalie number one,
and our team victorious

Yesterday, today's memories

We Fell on Our Beds

And we fell on our beds
tired and exhausted
after long weeks of teaching
going from one site to the next,
or just not going anywhere 
but working like a horse,
no, worse than a horse, I would say

We fell on our beds
after endless working group meetings
sometimes discussion all those JIRA tickets
and other times asking shall we escalated, who can decision
there is no quorum to make a decision
who should we call?...oh man we are doom!

And we fell on our beds
after countless hours designing working books
to teach people how to use the system,
and, what it seemed infinite pointless discussions on
content, language, policy, med rec
ED and Trauma, and so much more

When that Good Thursday came along
that was the day when it all changed,
after long meetings, going to CCOAT
or CSC or maybe Providers, with
Nursing to no end in sight, and Pharmacy 
with discussion of things missed;
we left with brains made of jelly
or totally toast of too much thinking

It was a "Good Thursday", oh yes sweet Thursday
came to us just in the nick of time
to save us from insanity after
twelve hour days, cut over and such;
organizing meeting, GoToMeeting not working,
Confluence just doing its thing, and JIRA just
creating tickets and tickers, the line up is infinite
Where is the coffee god - dammit?!

Yes, it was a "Good Thursday" Oncology changing this meeting
and that other one, contact Dr so and so, if not available
call the other one, you know who; changing Tcons
room numbers, revising documents, drafting minutes,
cancelling meeting, listening to others chatting, how was the
week, "oh gosh I'm dead" someone would say, just like the rest of us
And with that at the end of the day
we fell on our beds with eyes wide opened thinking
on that piece of code we cannot figure out

The word of the week was"crazy" and everyone took note,
I can't tell one day from the other people whispered
There are no rooms to meet to boot, so the kitchen would do
projecting on the walls to get it all, just right.
The Communications team earnestly working their
magic words into communication plans and that
Declaration of System for Patient Care, it's just a doozy!
And with those thoughts we fell on our beds

We forward one hour last month, the days go faster it feels
but no it is the same amount of time, it just we have so much
to do, 
but we don't think, we just do
We go on, writing policy, typing new documents, creating
user guides, pushing the WOWs around the hallway to make
sure all is properly working and ready to go;
and, after trying and fixing ,we left satisfied
That night we fell on our beds exhausted

After jobs well done, congrats here and there,
celebrating someone's birthday, thanking those that
need to be thanked, recognizing work where it was due
or learning that someone is leaving, the week just got harder,
to say the least! 

But we went on for that one week specially,
after months of desperate attempts to fix the unfix-able,
logging JIRA Support tickets to unlock that SUD schedule,
and braking all the formulas on that complex tracking sheet
We went home with our problems in our heads and
fell on our beds with heavy hearts

This week was harder than any other, with that Je ne sais quoi
feeling in the gut that made us cried the other day
Our patience reaching the limits, 
we blame ourselves I should have done that, I know I should have but we didn't,
and with the door kicking us behind, literally we went home
with embedded frustrations on every part of our body,
we fell on our beds, incapacitated

But on that Thursday...
We went home - we really did
And let it all go, drank and ate with gusto
and proud of a hard week's work, and grins in our eyes
we fell on our beds and thank the gods for this so much
needed respite, to give us the energy to keep on going

Oh yes, it was a "Good Thursday...to fall in our beds"