TheBlog

Sunday, November 29, 2009

just a game

It is just a game
dice are played
tokens moved from left to right
or right to left
decisions need to be made
and unclear at times,
clarifications are made by others,
in the game,
they are not trying to influenced anyone's
decision,
but trying to be helpful
in any case there are unhappy parties
it is all the same
it is just a game
where we throw dice, lucky or unlucky
we draw a number,
of course the the goal is to win
but for me mainly to have fun,
I don't care much on winning
but if I do, well, that is always great
I try to avoid conflict
whenever I can, I am a peace maker
the middle man
but others just want to win
and when they do not
moods change and the whining begins
We all play different, no question about
that
it is just as game and that is all it should
remain
no hard feelings if you win, nor if I
even if a third person wins
In the end, it is all about strategy
and not about luck
every move has been thought out
through, except
the dice throw
it does not matter how you throw it,
no one can predict the number that
will come up
it is just what it is
the throw of the dice
is your only chance,
but in the end
it is just another game
No need to take it personally
or against anyone
but when it comes to financial
games do not include me,
that is why I have a financial adviser
who takes care of my money
put is where it best for me
that is also just a game
but the stakes are higher
in the end
of any
game

Sunday, November 22, 2009

My father is gone

My father is gone, but he keeps on living, in me, somehow, somewhat, somewhere in between light and darkness he is. Where are you really in heaven or hell, maybe in limbo. You were never a perfect man, nor I wanted you to be, just wanted and expected you to be fair, but were you Our story is like many that is barely shared, you were always absent but there in the darkness visibly hiding from our lives. I knew you but did not, like I wish I could have, but I think you never wanted to be known. I saw you everyday in that old and yellow picture in my wallet, when you were young. Our memories together are minimal, yet, they are ingrained in my mind and why I cry tears for you? I ask myself, but then I know because all the love I felt for you. I walk in the light of darkness, what a metaphor so contradicting just like this world. You left when we were young and never came back. Excuses were made for you and finally one day the truth was revealed, but it was too late, because I had been loving you for so long.
My father is gone, but he keeps on living, in me, somehow, somewhat, somewhere in between light and darkness he is. Our story is like many that is barely shared, you were always absent but there in the darkness visibly hiding from our lives. You lived in familiar but strange walls amongst strangers but familiar faces. You kept a sacred secret hidden from the world but present in your mind. We were the unknown soldiers left behind who survived even in your demise.
You left and we stayed.You forgot but I kept remembering. You loved me for moments in time and I loved you all my life.You were forever in my mind and forever gone, and now you are gone forever, but my love will always go on. Y
ou were always absent but there in the darkness visibly hiding from our lives.
Today, my father is gone

The Call

It was the call
that nobody ever expects
and when you receive it
you wish you never had
The voice on the phone
was so foreign yet familiar
it made me smile from ear to ear
it was someone I love
yet the news came anyway
he is dead the voice said
I broke down and cried
uncontrollably for hours,
it seemed
slumped
on the steps of a high school
I cried
I heard voices trying to help
trying to consoled me to no avail
I kept on crying
even after the call stop
It was the call
that nobody ever expects
and when you receive it
you wish you never had
I had always imagined this time to come
but nothing can prepared you
for it
past experiences do not help
not reading, nor talking
not even awareness
on death
it was a call, but, just not any
call
it was a call announcing death
the passing of a love one
someone very dear
It was the call
that nobody ever expects
and when you receive it
you wish you never had
it was the call
announcing that my father
was dead




Drowning

I am drowning
drowning in my sorrows
in the pain I only feel
because it is only mine
I am drowning
in a glass, bottle or can
inebriated
in the smoke that reaches
my brain
through my mouth
slowly filling my lungs
exploding into my thoughts
I am drowning in this rain
from the cloud in my life
it is dark and lonely here
in this place I find myself now
The torrents flow and flow
it is an oceanic expand
where there seems to be no end
it is so immense, that I loose myself
in it
I am drowning in pain
with pain and amongst pain
in a bottle, a glass or can
I drown my sorrows
because that is all I can do
to stop the pain I feel
that I only feel
because it is my pain
The torrents flow and flow
it is an oceanic expand
where there seems to be no end
it is so immense, that I loose myself
in it
I am drowning
and I am the only one
that can stop myself
from going under the current
of my pain



Saturday, November 21, 2009

It keeps raining

It keeps raining
even though the rain has
stopped,
it rains in the morning
midday and night
all night some times
the wind blows
trees are toppled
streets have become
lakes, rivers,
oceans
It keeps raining
even though the rain has
stopped,
It rains in my heart
in my soul
it pours and soaks me
to the
bone!
My hair in disarray
by the wind
of my fingers
and the rain keeps on
coming,
When will it stop
cease to exist and disappear?
When?
It keeps raining
even though the rain has
stopped,
It soaks my face
and it tries to
wash away the pain
but it has become
ingrained,
in the ridges of my heart
right into the veins
pumping pain every time I
breath,
where it's hard to reach
It keeps raining
even though the rain has
stopped,
It rains where there is life
but death at the same
time,
the death of someone
that runs through me
into the arteries
into my lungs
in my blood
It keeps on raining,
my vision becomes blurred
by this rain
it rains to hard
it feels like the glass
on the window will
break,
but it doesn't
because It is a good glass
good quality
molded when young
to sustained hard hits
The rain slides by
leaving its traces behind,
watermarks,
to be polish by time
so it can shine again
The rain has stopped
but it keeps raining
in my
soul









Thursday, November 19, 2009

I Choose

I could ended all here
and now
but I don't
because I choose to
The pain is deep and intense
yet, silent in my despair
There is a sadness in me
as if I no longer, belong
I walked through the streets
everything feels different
although it seems the same
My eyes feel sad
I feel no life in them
I feel cold in the depths of
my soul
I could ended all right here
and now
but I choose not to
because there is an universe plus one
reasons to
live
because you are here
I am here, we are all here
Life is so fragile
and why ended before it begins
unless that is our destiny
We have work to do
so lets get to it
because life awaits us
and
I choose to live everyday
that I might be given
because in the end, I have
one or a million options
from where
I Choose




My Gravity

You keep me grounded
and remind me everyday
to be
humble
you tell me to give
no matter, what
you keep me in check
so there is no foul
to regret,
You have shown me,
the way
You have sacrifice your life
for us
We suffered each alone
but never,
apart
You are my gravity
You have been my rock
in good and bad times,
You have painfully lived,
in silence
but no more.
When I think of you,
and that is, everyday
I am reminded where I have,
come from
I have never nor will ever,
forget
all the sacrifices you have made
for us to become the people
we are,
now and will continue to be
You are my gravity
the force behind our lives
and even though we live apart
you are always present in our,
lives.
You have been my teacher
in life
My mentor through your, life
You are my gravity
We've shared laughs, tears, anger,
silent moments, but you have
always been,
there, in the corner of our lives
far in the distance, yet close behind
You are my gravity
The one who taught me to give
all of my being
to put all my heart in what I,
believe
You showed me through you to be,
strong
You taught me to take care of others
first, before myself
You show me to give my bed to my
guests and sleep on the floor,
if I must
You taught me to always give my best
and to never pass a bridge and burn it,
behind, in case I need to traverse it again.
You are my gravity,
The force behind our lives,
the center of our Universe,
our reason for living
our eternal love
You have been our guardian angel,
all this time
You are our gravity
in this world
the one who keeps us grounded
and who reminds us everyday
where we have come from.
You are our perfect Eden
in this imperfect world
you have
always been,
there, in the corner of our lives
far in the distance, yet close behind

You are our gravity

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Thank You Dad

I want to say
thank you
for the brief moments
we spent together
for the memories
you left me
for the kisses
and
hugs you gave me
I want to say
thank you
for giving me
to our mother
who
took care of us all our
lives
Thank you
for the chunks of life
you share
which made a difference
in our
lives
I learnt from you
and your mistakes
Thank you
Dad
because in the
grand scheme of
things
all that matters
is
all
the
love
I felt
inside
May
you now rest in peace


Grief

What is grief?
It is a pain so deep
you have no idea where it begins
or ends
The dictionary gives you a description
but it cannot be compare
nothing makes it better
But
the company and support of
family and friends
We all grieve together
but alone
We all cry in unison
some openly, others in silence
all encompasses grief
Grief
a word so small yet so big
its meaning is brief yet prolonged
five simple letters
to describe pain, solace, despair,
unimaginable ache, heart wrenching,
tears, words of pain, sorrow, more pain
the list goes on and on
Where and when does IT stop?
Grief
IT never ends but IT subsides
and questions remain





Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Memory

I cried for you
with all my heart and soul
even though I didn't know you
at all
I saw you at sleep
in a well trim suit
your hands carefully folded
in front of you
you are inert forever
in time
My love for you was
endless
millions of hopes
remained unfulfilled
yet
I still loved you
There was a face to you
but now it has disappear
now you are just a
memory
in the sea of my life
you are gone
and yet
I never received
the answers
I wanted to
hear
all that you were
it is
now
just a
memory
in my head


Friday, November 6, 2009

the place to be

I walked to the island, today
i reminisced our trips
while looking at the mountains
just below the clouds
of course, prosciutto was in order
and so was a french baguette
some cheese and some wine
just to top it all off
but not without getting
a ginger, cranberry, orange scone too
and later on some rain and wind
because we never got enough
Whistler was sunny the other day
and the blue sky shone away
bearing the mountain tops
for us to see
I walked to the island, today
i reminisced our trips
while looking at the mountains
just below the clouds
of course, prosciutto was in order
and so was a french baguette
some cheese and some wine
just to top it all off

Granville Island is the spot
sitting at a table by the marina
surrounded by hungry gulls and pigeons
and a surprise squirrel too
who took a piece of my baguette away
I guess it wanted to taste
the prosciutto too
while tipping delicious wine on my lap
it was a sunny and crisp morning
of course, prosciutto was in order
and so was a french baguette
some cheese and some wine
just to top it all off

if you want to reminiscent
Granville Island is the spot to be



Thursday, November 5, 2009

Still Linger

Your breath still lingers
here, there, everywhere
where we were and have been
in the city part of you remains
I see you in my dreams
I feel you in me
Your pain remains in my heart
Your tears intertwined with mine
when
I try to go to sleep

I often see your face
and taste you on my lips
Deep inside I feel you
turning me wild
And your breath still lingers
here, there, everywhere
where we were and have been

There's an empty space, in my bed

where you used to be
where every night I felt your arms
the warmth of your body was felt
from Summer to Winter and back
still, your breath lingers
here, there, everywhere
where we were and have been

In my mind you will always be
even if afar
even if in the depths of the universe
even if somewhere in heaven
you will always be, part of me
And still you linger on me now
here, there, everywhere
where we were and have been

My love for you will remain
now in a different way, but still there
tucked away in my memory album
in that tune we used to sing
in that picture of us together
in the love we shared
you still linger on me now
even if from afar
here, there, and everywhere
always in my heart
and
hidden in my soul










Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Going on

we live day after day
we wake up every morning
we see the sun, the clouds
we live yet again another day
yet, life is still the same
nothing has changed except the weather,
the colours of the leaves
and the sky is grey
mother earth cries now and then, if not every day
but I remain the same
yet different every day
i see myself in the mirror
and asked myself who am I?
where am I going?
when will I get there?
You have come back to me again and again
yet you never stayed
I have learnt a lot from you
like a teacher you have taught me
that although life is hard
IT most go on
because after all you are still alive




Mom's Tears

It is always sad
to let your children go
You have them, raised them good
or as good as you could
They grow and they go
You are left with tears in your eyes
an ache in your heart
and an empty space in your soul
But sure that you did the best you could
You take them to school
with tears in your eyes
You take them to the airport
and more tears roll down
And sometimes you take them to their funeral
and a cascade of water runs into a hurtful ocean
Tears of loss, pain, sadness, and hurt flow out
But even when it hurts you move on
and carry the pain in you
forever hidden in the depths of your soul