TheBlog

Sunday, November 29, 2009

just a game

It is just a game
dice are played
tokens moved from left to right
or right to left
decisions need to be made
and unclear at times,
clarifications are made by others,
in the game,
they are not trying to influenced anyone's
decision,
but trying to be helpful
in any case there are unhappy parties
it is all the same
it is just a game
where we throw dice, lucky or unlucky
we draw a number,
of course the the goal is to win
but for me mainly to have fun,
I don't care much on winning
but if I do, well, that is always great
I try to avoid conflict
whenever I can, I am a peace maker
the middle man
but others just want to win
and when they do not
moods change and the whining begins
We all play different, no question about
that
it is just as game and that is all it should
remain
no hard feelings if you win, nor if I
even if a third person wins
In the end, it is all about strategy
and not about luck
every move has been thought out
through, except
the dice throw
it does not matter how you throw it,
no one can predict the number that
will come up
it is just what it is
the throw of the dice
is your only chance,
but in the end
it is just another game
No need to take it personally
or against anyone
but when it comes to financial
games do not include me,
that is why I have a financial adviser
who takes care of my money
put is where it best for me
that is also just a game
but the stakes are higher
in the end
of any
game

Sunday, November 22, 2009

My father is gone

My father is gone, but he keeps on living, in me, somehow, somewhat, somewhere in between light and darkness he is. Where are you really in heaven or hell, maybe in limbo. You were never a perfect man, nor I wanted you to be, just wanted and expected you to be fair, but were you Our story is like many that is barely shared, you were always absent but there in the darkness visibly hiding from our lives. I knew you but did not, like I wish I could have, but I think you never wanted to be known. I saw you everyday in that old and yellow picture in my wallet, when you were young. Our memories together are minimal, yet, they are ingrained in my mind and why I cry tears for you? I ask myself, but then I know because all the love I felt for you. I walk in the light of darkness, what a metaphor so contradicting just like this world. You left when we were young and never came back. Excuses were made for you and finally one day the truth was revealed, but it was too late, because I had been loving you for so long.
My father is gone, but he keeps on living, in me, somehow, somewhat, somewhere in between light and darkness he is. Our story is like many that is barely shared, you were always absent but there in the darkness visibly hiding from our lives. You lived in familiar but strange walls amongst strangers but familiar faces. You kept a sacred secret hidden from the world but present in your mind. We were the unknown soldiers left behind who survived even in your demise.
You left and we stayed.You forgot but I kept remembering. You loved me for moments in time and I loved you all my life.You were forever in my mind and forever gone, and now you are gone forever, but my love will always go on. Y
ou were always absent but there in the darkness visibly hiding from our lives.
Today, my father is gone

The Call

It was the call
that nobody ever expects
and when you receive it
you wish you never had
The voice on the phone
was so foreign yet familiar
it made me smile from ear to ear
it was someone I love
yet the news came anyway
he is dead the voice said
I broke down and cried
uncontrollably for hours,
it seemed
slumped
on the steps of a high school
I cried
I heard voices trying to help
trying to consoled me to no avail
I kept on crying
even after the call stop
It was the call
that nobody ever expects
and when you receive it
you wish you never had
I had always imagined this time to come
but nothing can prepared you
for it
past experiences do not help
not reading, nor talking
not even awareness
on death
it was a call, but, just not any
call
it was a call announcing death
the passing of a love one
someone very dear
It was the call
that nobody ever expects
and when you receive it
you wish you never had
it was the call
announcing that my father
was dead




Drowning

I am drowning
drowning in my sorrows
in the pain I only feel
because it is only mine
I am drowning
in a glass, bottle or can
inebriated
in the smoke that reaches
my brain
through my mouth
slowly filling my lungs
exploding into my thoughts
I am drowning in this rain
from the cloud in my life
it is dark and lonely here
in this place I find myself now
The torrents flow and flow
it is an oceanic expand
where there seems to be no end
it is so immense, that I loose myself
in it
I am drowning in pain
with pain and amongst pain
in a bottle, a glass or can
I drown my sorrows
because that is all I can do
to stop the pain I feel
that I only feel
because it is my pain
The torrents flow and flow
it is an oceanic expand
where there seems to be no end
it is so immense, that I loose myself
in it
I am drowning
and I am the only one
that can stop myself
from going under the current
of my pain



Saturday, November 21, 2009

It keeps raining

It keeps raining
even though the rain has
stopped,
it rains in the morning
midday and night
all night some times
the wind blows
trees are toppled
streets have become
lakes, rivers,
oceans
It keeps raining
even though the rain has
stopped,
It rains in my heart
in my soul
it pours and soaks me
to the
bone!
My hair in disarray
by the wind
of my fingers
and the rain keeps on
coming,
When will it stop
cease to exist and disappear?
When?
It keeps raining
even though the rain has
stopped,
It soaks my face
and it tries to
wash away the pain
but it has become
ingrained,
in the ridges of my heart
right into the veins
pumping pain every time I
breath,
where it's hard to reach
It keeps raining
even though the rain has
stopped,
It rains where there is life
but death at the same
time,
the death of someone
that runs through me
into the arteries
into my lungs
in my blood
It keeps on raining,
my vision becomes blurred
by this rain
it rains to hard
it feels like the glass
on the window will
break,
but it doesn't
because It is a good glass
good quality
molded when young
to sustained hard hits
The rain slides by
leaving its traces behind,
watermarks,
to be polish by time
so it can shine again
The rain has stopped
but it keeps raining
in my
soul









Thursday, November 19, 2009

I Choose

I could ended all here
and now
but I don't
because I choose to
The pain is deep and intense
yet, silent in my despair
There is a sadness in me
as if I no longer, belong
I walked through the streets
everything feels different
although it seems the same
My eyes feel sad
I feel no life in them
I feel cold in the depths of
my soul
I could ended all right here
and now
but I choose not to
because there is an universe plus one
reasons to
live
because you are here
I am here, we are all here
Life is so fragile
and why ended before it begins
unless that is our destiny
We have work to do
so lets get to it
because life awaits us
and
I choose to live everyday
that I might be given
because in the end, I have
one or a million options
from where
I Choose




My Gravity

You keep me grounded
and remind me everyday
to be
humble
you tell me to give
no matter, what
you keep me in check
so there is no foul
to regret,
You have shown me,
the way
You have sacrifice your life
for us
We suffered each alone
but never,
apart
You are my gravity
You have been my rock
in good and bad times,
You have painfully lived,
in silence
but no more.
When I think of you,
and that is, everyday
I am reminded where I have,
come from
I have never nor will ever,
forget
all the sacrifices you have made
for us to become the people
we are,
now and will continue to be
You are my gravity
the force behind our lives
and even though we live apart
you are always present in our,
lives.
You have been my teacher
in life
My mentor through your, life
You are my gravity
We've shared laughs, tears, anger,
silent moments, but you have
always been,
there, in the corner of our lives
far in the distance, yet close behind
You are my gravity
The one who taught me to give
all of my being
to put all my heart in what I,
believe
You showed me through you to be,
strong
You taught me to take care of others
first, before myself
You show me to give my bed to my
guests and sleep on the floor,
if I must
You taught me to always give my best
and to never pass a bridge and burn it,
behind, in case I need to traverse it again.
You are my gravity,
The force behind our lives,
the center of our Universe,
our reason for living
our eternal love
You have been our guardian angel,
all this time
You are our gravity
in this world
the one who keeps us grounded
and who reminds us everyday
where we have come from.
You are our perfect Eden
in this imperfect world
you have
always been,
there, in the corner of our lives
far in the distance, yet close behind

You are our gravity

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Thank You Dad

I want to say
thank you
for the brief moments
we spent together
for the memories
you left me
for the kisses
and
hugs you gave me
I want to say
thank you
for giving me
to our mother
who
took care of us all our
lives
Thank you
for the chunks of life
you share
which made a difference
in our
lives
I learnt from you
and your mistakes
Thank you
Dad
because in the
grand scheme of
things
all that matters
is
all
the
love
I felt
inside
May
you now rest in peace


Grief

What is grief?
It is a pain so deep
you have no idea where it begins
or ends
The dictionary gives you a description
but it cannot be compare
nothing makes it better
But
the company and support of
family and friends
We all grieve together
but alone
We all cry in unison
some openly, others in silence
all encompasses grief
Grief
a word so small yet so big
its meaning is brief yet prolonged
five simple letters
to describe pain, solace, despair,
unimaginable ache, heart wrenching,
tears, words of pain, sorrow, more pain
the list goes on and on
Where and when does IT stop?
Grief
IT never ends but IT subsides
and questions remain





Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Memory

I cried for you
with all my heart and soul
even though I didn't know you
at all
I saw you at sleep
in a well trim suit
your hands carefully folded
in front of you
you are inert forever
in time
My love for you was
endless
millions of hopes
remained unfulfilled
yet
I still loved you
There was a face to you
but now it has disappear
now you are just a
memory
in the sea of my life
you are gone
and yet
I never received
the answers
I wanted to
hear
all that you were
it is
now
just a
memory
in my head


Friday, November 6, 2009

the place to be

I walked to the island, today
i reminisced our trips
while looking at the mountains
just below the clouds
of course, prosciutto was in order
and so was a french baguette
some cheese and some wine
just to top it all off
but not without getting
a ginger, cranberry, orange scone too
and later on some rain and wind
because we never got enough
Whistler was sunny the other day
and the blue sky shone away
bearing the mountain tops
for us to see
I walked to the island, today
i reminisced our trips
while looking at the mountains
just below the clouds
of course, prosciutto was in order
and so was a french baguette
some cheese and some wine
just to top it all off

Granville Island is the spot
sitting at a table by the marina
surrounded by hungry gulls and pigeons
and a surprise squirrel too
who took a piece of my baguette away
I guess it wanted to taste
the prosciutto too
while tipping delicious wine on my lap
it was a sunny and crisp morning
of course, prosciutto was in order
and so was a french baguette
some cheese and some wine
just to top it all off

if you want to reminiscent
Granville Island is the spot to be



Thursday, November 5, 2009

Still Linger

Your breath still lingers
here, there, everywhere
where we were and have been
in the city part of you remains
I see you in my dreams
I feel you in me
Your pain remains in my heart
Your tears intertwined with mine
when
I try to go to sleep

I often see your face
and taste you on my lips
Deep inside I feel you
turning me wild
And your breath still lingers
here, there, everywhere
where we were and have been

There's an empty space, in my bed

where you used to be
where every night I felt your arms
the warmth of your body was felt
from Summer to Winter and back
still, your breath lingers
here, there, everywhere
where we were and have been

In my mind you will always be
even if afar
even if in the depths of the universe
even if somewhere in heaven
you will always be, part of me
And still you linger on me now
here, there, everywhere
where we were and have been

My love for you will remain
now in a different way, but still there
tucked away in my memory album
in that tune we used to sing
in that picture of us together
in the love we shared
you still linger on me now
even if from afar
here, there, and everywhere
always in my heart
and
hidden in my soul










Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Going on

we live day after day
we wake up every morning
we see the sun, the clouds
we live yet again another day
yet, life is still the same
nothing has changed except the weather,
the colours of the leaves
and the sky is grey
mother earth cries now and then, if not every day
but I remain the same
yet different every day
i see myself in the mirror
and asked myself who am I?
where am I going?
when will I get there?
You have come back to me again and again
yet you never stayed
I have learnt a lot from you
like a teacher you have taught me
that although life is hard
IT most go on
because after all you are still alive




Mom's Tears

It is always sad
to let your children go
You have them, raised them good
or as good as you could
They grow and they go
You are left with tears in your eyes
an ache in your heart
and an empty space in your soul
But sure that you did the best you could
You take them to school
with tears in your eyes
You take them to the airport
and more tears roll down
And sometimes you take them to their funeral
and a cascade of water runs into a hurtful ocean
Tears of loss, pain, sadness, and hurt flow out
But even when it hurts you move on
and carry the pain in you
forever hidden in the depths of your soul




Tuesday, October 20, 2009

I too have suffered

I too have suffered
the loss of a loving man
the loss of my precious joy in life
I too have suffered
two lives terminated
so innocently and so tragic
the story of our lives
that ended way to soon
I too have suffered
My little baby P is gone
my loving partner Jean Michel too
they live with me every day
and every night
their images remain in my mind
and in my dreams
I too have suffered
I see his smile every day
and hear the strong heartbeat
I imagine the smile I could have seen
that is now gone
it has been gone for a while
So do not think I know
nothing
about pain
because
I too have suffered
I've endured rejection
after rejection more than I could possibly
want, but I keep on going
because there is no turning back
I too have suffered
I have been discarded and unwanted
like a piece of trash
I thrive and strive everyday
to be a better person
and be the best that I can be
and
I too have suffered
but I give relentlessly and without conditions
I give with no reservations
I love entirely no matter who or what
or when
I live because I am here
and my joys aren't
I choose to live everyday
for those who are still here
I too have suffered
but give tribute to the fallen
Little P & Jean Michel
everyday I pray for you
because you live with me
and will continue living with me
tucked away in the core of my heart
in the depths of my being
enthralled in my soul
I too have suffered
At times life is unbearable knowing
that you will not come back
at times it feels
like an ocean of emptiness
but then I remember
that I am
not alone
even though
I too have suffered

Monday, October 19, 2009

The End

How many more times will I hear
I love you and truly do
I like you just the way you are
you are great, never change
without really seeing it?
I am grateful for those words
but emptiness remains
deep in my heart you stabbed me
with a dagger
so deep that my heart bleeds
every time I breath
My lungs intoxicated with your love
that one you refuse to give me
or do not want to get
why? I ask myself
it would not be the first time
that I hear beautiful and hurtful words
all encompassed in one sentence
You want me in your life
but at a distance where you feel comfortable
every time, you have come back to me
time after time, again and again
we make love, we laugh, we share intimate moments
we talk, we love one another
but only one of us means it
and feels it
Is it you or me?
How many more times will I hear
I love you and truly do
I like you just the way you are
you are great, never change
without really seeing it?
You tell me beautiful words
and love them all, but what
is at the end of that tunnel
nothing, nobody waiting for me
while you have your whole life
waiting ahead
You say you love me but don't really
mean it
you care for me, and I can see it
but you deny it to yourself and I
I have loved you for the longest time
but it is time to stop
so this is the end



Saturday, October 10, 2009

Pretender

Here you are again
making promises
pretending that life is great
when it is not
you lie, deceive and cheat
you transform yourself everyday
to everyone's like
but not my liking at all
you can play charades all you want
but do not pretend to care
when you don't
it is so easy to see
you are as transparent like the air
everyone can see through and beyond
you can escape but you can hide
you lie, deceive and cheat
you transform yourself everyday
to everyone's like
you are a pretender
you want to be grand but you can't
you want to be swift but you're rough
you want to be smooth but are rude
you want to love but it just slides by
your words are meaningless most of the time
be careful where you step-in
there could be a landmine
a landmine planted by you
which you will never recognize
if it hit you in the face
stop pretending and live life
because once you get out
there will no one waiting
behind
and stop pretending that you care
when you don't even give
a dam


Thursday, October 8, 2009

One

Only one, he said
but another one came
and another
soon he could not see anything
only blurred images came
and went
his balance was a bit off
but he took the key anyway,
he drove home intoxicate
veer here and there
off the road at times
the key still in his hand
the wheel rolling left to right
right to left and center
nothing could stopped him
there was no reasoning
in his inebriated brain
his thoughts were submerged
deep down at the bottom
in the dark were the sharks swim
and no stars shine.
At times he disappeared
hours, days, weeks
but he was always found
in the garbage dump
on a street corner,
in someone's house
but he always came back.
He was a drunk
once, twice, three times
even more
but he was a good man
even when his thoughts
were not clear and his
speech was a slur
Only one, he said
but another one came
and another
soon the bottle was empty
so was his life
he was a drunk
who thought he could only
take one
but we knew otherwise



Sunday, September 13, 2009

Cancer

it was a well kept secret
she suffered in silence
never telling a soul
her eyes looked a bit sad
but who could have guessed
what she was going through
not I nor you
but she kept on living
as there was no other choice,
she lived in the corner apartment
she always smiled, we talked
in the elevator, elevator words
we smiled at each other
and i never knew
she never spoke and i rarely saw her
anymore
one day she came
with tears in her eyes
pulling her hair
it was falling on her hands
in pieces, chunks, strands,
nobody knew but her
she could not keep it anymore
the secret so secretly kept
in the corner apartment
where she lived alone
then she confessed
they found something in my breast
it was a lump, something that belong
but not there
they took it out now my hair is
falling out
i can't eat, i feel sick all the time
what should I do?
then she changed but I'll be fine
she said with tears rolling down her cheeks
dripping at the bottom of her chin
running down the ridges of her mouth
drops got into her mouth
she swallowed them hard
her lips shiver, and she trembled
she was scared
the fear in her eyes
could not be denied
her hair was falling out
and she was falling apart,
she laughed hard and cried
harder
it was a well kept secret
she suffered in silence
never telling a soul
her eyes looked a bit sad
but who could have guessed
what she was going through
not I nor you
but she kept on living
she continue to cry
and I stood there
not knowing what
to do
she fell down on her knees
clutching my knees in her
despair
she begged me to help her
there was nothing I could do
but to console her
she cried forever, it seemed
tears rolling down her face
waterfalls of pain
her body was an earthquake
in rage
her voice an erupting volcano,
her life became an infinite sea
into which she slowly drowned
the beast was too strong
stronger than anyone imagined
she used all the life savers given
even thrown at her
she row row and row for miles
thousand of miles
she swam day and night, night and day
into the Black Sea
of despair, there was no salvation
she fought the battle but lost
CANCER took her away
and just like that she left
RIP my good friend








Saturday, September 5, 2009

The Wall

It is just there, waiting
it stands there, night and day
day and night, all year long
rain sleekly runs down it
it washes away the foot prints
the fingerprints, hand prints
the chalk marks left behind
then snow swiftly sticks to it
all winter long
it waits lonely under the white covers
it is just there, waiting
it stands there, night and day
day and night, all year long
Spring comes and washes away, the dirt
from it
all tucked in under the snow
it melts the blanket away
the running waters makes it sleek again
it is slippery, and still lonely
lonely for the longest time from Winter to Spring
sometimes even longer
it awaits to be taken
again
it waits to be caress by strong hands
it stands there exposed to all
again
we love it when the sun comes up
and we are able to take it once more
it is a thrill to be with her again
a reunion of sorts
she brings excitement to me and many
some are even addicted to her
but I am just a beginner but I love her
she thrills me and scares me, at times
she is the rock that stands alone
waiting to be taken and conquered
it is the wall
waiting to be climb




Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Moving Day

Moving day
someone said is like giving birth
it is exciting
the venture of something new
new curtains, new walls, new paint
perhaps a new pan, a new table
a new lamp
who knows
but all you know is that
after all the excitement
the work begins
and you are tired
exhausted even
all you want to do is, sleep
it is painful to move
from here to there
you packed all you needed
all that you possessed and left
the old to the new
a new beginning in life
moving is like giving birth
because even though
you carry no human in you
your back aches
your legs swell, the heat gets to you
and all you want to do at the end
of the day is to sit and rest
moving day is like giving birth
it is painful
it is bothersome
it is just like giving birth
it is moving day

Risen

I always knew that you would
risen from the depths of your life
the death life that took you
to depths you didn't know existed
you have risen
with a new found freedom
a new outlook in life
a humbleness probably never experienced
a new knowledge
something new
all has been forgiven
and all in mind but forgotten
there are pains and scars
physical, emotional, mental
your heart was broken
by your own hand and doing.
it has been a long road
and well traveled even if in pain
new places discovered
people came and went, mostly went
but you remained
you fought, you denied, you accepted
now you say thank you
I am sorry, I love you
you have risen

Monday, August 31, 2009

John Doe

I met him one day
while I was reading on a bench
in a warm Summer day
he sat beside me and said hello
I look at him, smile and replied back
he asked my name
I asked his name, he said my name is John
we talked lively for a while
he talked about his life
and discovered a bit about mine,
everyday after that I sat on the same bench
reading my book, under the Sun
till the sunset at times
he came by most days
some others I missed him or I him
but we always saw each other
from time to time
John talked about waiting for love
his first love ever in life
he was already old when I met him
seventy-nine I think he said
he was gentle, he was kind
and he made me laughed
then we laughed together
he could never remember my name
nor where I am from and he always asked
but I always remember his name John
I missed him at times without even knowing him
John Doe he came to be
I met him in the supermarket the other day
his eyes shone at my sight
and a grin grew across my lips
he extended his hand and shook mine
so gentle, yet strong
he asked my name again
and I said hello John
he was surprised
he asked again where I was from
just like every time
I realized that nothing had changed
he was still John Doe
with a fading memory and a gentle touch
he faded slowly with time
and kept waiting forever
for his first love
he was John Doe
who always made me smile
and who always forgot my name
but never forgot
my face


Wednesday, August 26, 2009

I love you

Every morning I saw your
big beautiful blue eyes
and every morning you woke me up
with a big kiss on the cheek
the sweetest kiss ever
the most wonderful smile in the world
and the most wonderful words
I love you, when I finally opened my eyes
Then we play together
you smiled, talked faster than you can
yawned and talked still, all at the same time
you hug me under the blankets
your soft and delicate skin so close
and warm
the sweetest kiss ever
the most wonderful smile in the world
and the most wonderful words
I love you, when I finally opened my eyes
You are sweet
your lips are soft on my cheek
your hugs are so hard and full of love
your eyes filled with contempt at times
but always love
your hair flows freely with the wind
you are fierce and adventurous
daring at time, but such a girly girl
I love you too
I love you with all my heart
thank you for being so sweet
and for loving me the way you do
I love you Zoe Rae for all you do


Monday, July 27, 2009

Transformed

You've changed me
all you have done to me
all that I've been through
all the pain I have felt
the sadness that has taken me
down
all the hurt is gone now it is time
to move
on
finally, I have let everything go
I have forgiven
and I cried many tears to get
rid of the pain
I've been transformed at all levels
in my life
you have been part of it
and I
thank you
because in the depths of my soul
I have found happiness
within myself
in my heart I have found
a spot for me
to live fully and enjoy life
to care about all I care about
and to love fully from
inside and out
I feel a glow in my heart
My mind is clearer than it has
never been
It is all true
I have been transformed
by me
I can see the sun shining
high above
I see the moon glowing
in the darkness of the sky
I feel a glow in my heart
and life is all easy
It is all true
I have been transformed
by me





Sunday, July 19, 2009

My Angel

Marie-Helene, my angel
a woman of truth
a woman of beauty
my love, my life, my existence
you made me smile
you make me cried now
but in my heart you will always, be
even if not in body, I know in spirit
you are and will be for ever
life continues on and I know
you would want me to go on with life
I often speak of you or all the time
everything in my life
brings memories of you
and you still make me smile
and then I feel like crying
you are in my dreams
at times I wish you weren't
I carry your picture in my wallet
and look at it every now and then
but your face is vivid in my mind
and forever engraved in my heart
Your avocado salad was the best
and nobody will ever recreate it, not even
me
there were days when we slept all day
those were our lazy days
I held you in my arms and we talked
only getting out of bed when we had to
I am destroyed, devastated, broken,
shattered, weaken by you
My life is in disarray, without a path
there are no frontiers ahead
nothing to look forward to, only emptiness
I pace from here to there without a destination
I drive aimlessly in no specific direction
I live because I am alive, but not really alive
I don't know what to do with my life
please guide me, tell me where I should go
when, how to get there
why did you leave, when we had just began
you were my beginning and my end
I wish I would be dead, anything would be better
than living without you
I am destroyed, devastated, broken,
shattered & weaken by you
I don't know what to do with my life
please guide me, tell me where I should go
when, how to get there
why did you leave, when we had just began

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Gone

I cried for you
a million tears or more
I cried so much
my fountains are dry
you left me without noticed
just like that and took it all
the love
I wanted from you, all gone now
you even took our little gift
our bundle of joy with you
you left me all by myself
in this world
I wish I could tell you again
how much I love you and want you
how much I miss you, but you know that
all I want now is your spirit in my life
to guide me in this world
where I feel so naked
so alone
I am scared of the future
of life without you
but I know I most go on
even without you
why did you leave?
Now, I most start again
with my shattered life
I will pick up the pieces
when I am ready
it will be a long time
before I let you go
and even though I will never
have you again
I know you will be with me for a while
for as long as I need you
I cried for you
a million tears or more
I cried so much
my fountains are dry
you left me without noticed
and just like that
you were
gone

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Forever in love

I will be forever in love
with you and no one else
you stole my heart
since the first moment
I saw you
you did too, fall for me
at the same time
it took me by surprise
and you too
and forever I will love you
you are the light of my life
the beacon that keeps me afloat
and guides me through the night
you got lost
but found your way
to me
and
I deviated from that life
and continue on another path
without you
but thought of you every day
and wondered many times
what you were doing
now, you are only in my dreams
and we go on with life
in different paths
it doesn't have to be this way
but it is
unless you are willing
to fight
for what you feel
is forever love

Fight

There are two children in life
I am one of them and you are the other
one
we behave like such
we fight back and forth,
we are both hot headed
we both know it
we some times do not think twice
about doing anything
we just go with it and do it
but no one fights
I wish you would fight
for me
for all you say you believe in me
for all the love you say you feel for me
the love you say will never change
We both behave in childish ways
we think we have mature and learnt
but we have not
even at our age, it means nothing
just fight
that is all I want you to do
nothing else and show me
that the love you feel
is
real
I have never asked anything
of you
but I am now
fight for
us
do not be afraid to be loved
just jump and take a chance
what do you got to lose
nothing
I think
I have jumped, swam,
and even when I was drowning
I tried to keep my head up
do not let go
it is easy
to
give
up
but don't
try again and again
till you succeed, unless what you want
is to fail
and wonder for the rest of your
life
what
could have been
fight and never give up on us
and the only thing I ask is
that you fight
for
us





Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Immature

She is a fruit
she has been maturing since
a young age
she has grown, a thing of beauty
her eyes sparkle with her smile
yet, there is a hint
of sadness
in her eyes
she is still growing
and
maturing
but still a bit green
even when she thought
she was mature enough
she was definitely
mistaken
She is a fruit
that needs to be ripe
but in the depths of her core
her heart is getting harder
and harder every time
She has mature
in some ways
her body is divine
her soul is very fine
but there is so much in her
mind
She lives in
another world, her own
where everything is rosy
and everyone gets alone
she dreams
yet she still
sleeping in the depths
of her life
She still hanging from the tree
branch
from which she should
be falling any time soon
as a sign that she
has
grown
but she might remain in the
branch
for a little longer
for yet she still
ripening
but who knows when
the fruit will fall
She is a fruit of beauty
her juices flow from her
heart
yet she is easily
hurt
by the world around
she is naive
she feels incomplete
At times she wishes
to die
for there is no reason
to still be alive
but then someone smiles
and the world seems again
bright
She is a fine fruit
that needs care and hope
but she is still
immature
even though she is grown
At times she wishes
to die
for there is no reason
to still be alive
but then again
it is all
in her mind

Monday, July 6, 2009

Good-Bye

I thought about you
very often, since we parted last
every day if I may
I had the picture of your face
in my head, every minute,
every second of the day,
since you left me some time ago
I wished for you to come back, for so long,
I hoped and I dreamt
but you never came back
today, there is only a glimmer
a hint of your face in my brain
I try to recreate what you
look like but I can't
what your lips felt like
the colour of your skin on mine
whether or not your arms
were strong, I am sure they were
I want to see your smile
in my head and I try ever so hard
it hurts even to try
the only thing I remember of you
is the colour of your eyes
and your cat eye
and still feel all the love
inside that I once
felt for you
it has faded since a long time
and all I wish for you
is happiness and much love
but it will have never work for us
even when I know
I could have loved you
for the rest of
of my life
but I must go on
with my life
without you
so I must say to you
Good-Bye

Violin Girl

She is out there
she is loud,
she likes to have fun
she laughs at loud
and does not care
there is music in her head
all the time
her hair is ruby red
her lips cherry crimson
her eyes sparkle like the stars
and she dances with the wind
at times she wears
her cha cha skirt
or simply her scarlet sexy dress
and definitely turns men and women's
heads and all eyes on her;
she plays the violin with her heart
while the music flows from her heart
and every note means something to her
even if not to those around,
she lives life to the fullest
taking a chance here and there
without much care
she might get hurt but moves on,
she is a friend, she is a musician
but overall she is
a human being
who makes everyone laugh
she is a friend
who listens and gives advice, when ask,
and if need be
she will dance salsa
to make you smile
she is a friend, she is a musician
but overall she is
a human being
her name is Christina
who we love
just the way she is

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Empty Words

Words that flew into the wind
they were written without much thought
or feeling, her guess
when time came to show the truth
it was too much and too good
to be true
she believed in him and in his words
what a fool
she tells herself, but it is time to move on
finally
the last words have been written
and spoken
she wrote from the heart
he not from his
but from a place so detached from it
all and life itself
he expressed words of "love"
but not the meaning of it,
love that is
false, untrue, uninspired
she believed every word
and gave him
another chance
just to be stabbed in the back
while she was asleep
enthrall on the dreams of her night
together but apart
she opened
her mind and her heart
many times
she trusted him completely
as always
she went in with reservations
and many questions
but only got one answer
he had never
changed, even when
he said he had
it was all
a lie
she waited forever
years, months, days
weeks, hours, minutes
seconds went by
while he was sleeping
he never wanted
to drink from her cup
she had moved on with her
life
but he came back
he made her wait
just to crash
her life again with
his empty
words






Thursday, July 2, 2009

Waited

I waited forever
but moved on while you were gone
days, months, years, minutes, hours,
seconds went by while you were awake

but you never noticed the time passing by

until it was too late;

many questions I have and reservations too
but who would blame me, I hope not you

I am hesitant to jump
into the depths of this ocean
that has appeared before me
and
that I have not swam in a very long time
I am tasting the waters
and enjoying the scenery
without jumping
completely,
I just need answers to my questions

for all of it to be put at rest

so that we continue our lives

the way it was supposed to be

You loved me, loved me not

loved me, loved me not
you love me today
but what about tomorrow?
I want you in my life
with all the might in my heart
but,
I am hesitant to jump
into the depths of this ocean
that has appeared before me

and
that I have not swam
in a very long time

I am tasting the waters
and enjoying the scenery
without jumping
completely
give me time and the answers I need

so that we can drink from the same cup
today and all the days waiting ahead
here and now
give me all the love you have
and that you have not given me

all this time,
I've been waiting forever
let me wait no more
give me all the love
that you have inside
I want to love you
every minute, every hour
every second of the day
and forever if I may

Monday, June 29, 2009

Consummate Runners

We prepared for a long time
there are jitters and nervousness
we get hurt, we go through pain
sometimes, we fall but get back-up
we get up early in the mornings,
it is a crazy thing to do
at times we just want to give up
but we don't
we continue on regardless of the hurt
one day we decide to participate
and pay dearly at times
ouch there it goes the bank account
but who cares, it is all for fun
we meet new people, groups, and just individuals
some welcome you, others keep you at arms
length, but eventually accept you
there are miles to be covered
water to be drank, food to be eaten
restful nights are needed
and sacrifices are made
for one day of glory
that could last
seconds, minutes, or hours
one wrong step could be the end
and every stride gets you closer to the goal
some do it for the thrill of it
others just want a challenge
a few do it for fun, but to prove something
yet, I do it because I love it
amongst my peers I stand at that fine line
where one pop will send us all wild
we stand at the start line
amongst many
we have come all this way for one ride
others have arrived from far lands
for one day of glory,
we are consummate runners
that train, train, train
and the only gold is the finish line
and the knowledge
that all the pain, suffering, trials
and failures will pay
with that medal
hanging on our necks
after we crossed the line

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Tribute

I do not want pity when I am dead
you can cry your eyes out if you want
and bury me in a nice hole
with an engraved rock, if you wish
but pay me tribute when I am alive
tell me all the things you wish, to tell me
so that I can hear you and see your smile
if there is anything, I need to see
I want to know how much you love me,
if you do
and by no means you have to tell me
a four letter word
a tribute should be pay to someone
when alive
not in death, for the dead do not hear
or maybe they do
but just in case tell me now
the things that in your heart
you hide away
give me your love
your listening ear
your understanding gaze, now
not tomorrow for I may not be here
to see it all
if you have a love one on a death bed
tell them how much you love them
or hate them for that matter
for they may go sooner than you think
without ever knowing how you
felt about them or if you love or loved them
at all
we may think they know, we love them
but they might not
and why is it so hard to tell someone
how we feel, when they are so close to our reach
tell me or tell them what is in your heart

for you may not get another chance
once they are gone.
pay
tribute
now that
they and I are
alive

Monday, June 22, 2009

the dark side of me

i know secrets about you
that you wish i didn't know
the dark side of me thinks
i can harm you so bad, ruin your life
but then i digress and reform myself
or do i, or just think that i do
without really thinking much
i deviate at times from the rails of life
i go overboard
i jumped from the skyscraper
i fly with all the secrets in my head
oh yeah, i could mess you up really bad
tell them who you are
but then i return to normalcy again
and i see the light
from the tunnel to the end of the bridge
oh yes, i see the light, it is calling me
the dark side of me appears
wishing to ruin someone's life
my deviation rubs it's fingers with pleasure
i will make you suffer it says
i will make you mad
and ruin your life

in the dark side, i like to be at times
it makes me strong, it makes me mad
for i am an angel, of death
in a second i transform
and if you saw me in this form
you would ask
how in the world did i turn so bad
this is the dark side of me
but it's just a fantasy
or is it a reality?


Creepers

They creep in my dreams
slowly they come to me
they speak to me and tell me things
I read them too
they flow from my head to this
it is hard to know how
the little creepers they make me think
they make me write
even in the middle of the night
when I'm awake they creep up too
they surround me but I tried to shake them off
it is impossible
they creep on me like angry ants
they engulf my brain
they tear my soul apart
they make me think
they bit me like a lonely wasp
trying to find what to do
the pain is too much at times
my head starts to hurt and I see little lights
in the middle of the night
they little creepers run up to my head
and make me write instead
all my dreams, fantasies, hopes
while I dream I sit next to you
and you can barely see me
even when I am standing in front of you
the little creepers make me write
in my dreams,
words creep on me like cockroaches
and finally I can take it no more so I write
to get the little creepers out of my brain

Sunday, June 21, 2009

A New Life

A new life has began
what would it be a girl or a boy?
will it be only one or two?
who knows only time will tell
it is an exciting time in anyone's life
a moment so wanted and waited for
it has arrived, it is here now and it most be lived
the sensations and emotions are one in an infinite million
words cannot describe the aura
that surrounds me from the moment it began
it could be a girl, and what name could I choose
the names are as infinite as the sea itself
and the images in my head of a baby girl
are miracles come true
it could be a boy, and what name could I choose
the names vary but they might be easier to choose
it must be a manly but kind name
so that when he grows up his name will remain even if he left
if it's two WOW! who could have guessed, no one to say the least
two birds with one stone someone would say
and what a joyful time that would become
running around from one crib to the next
giving one a bottle and the other one a breast
diapers will fly here and there, and scattered everywhere
baths will have to take turns and the joy will be just the same
even if not more from one than the other, but who cares
really
the sleepless nights will be worth a million in one, if not more
seeing the angel sleeping will draw tears to my eyes
while I caress their little faces and pointy noses
will give me more than any thrill in life
then she or he or both will grow up
to become fine humans beings
there will be pictures of them growing up
and we will reminisce of times passed and thank God
for all the blessing and miracles in our lives
for this is a true unexpected miracle in my life
A new life has began
A rainbow of colours has enter my head
do I want pink, blue, yellow, or green?
perusing in the stores is so much fun
little shoes, t-shirts, dresses, pants, even little hats
the choices are numerous and infinite
what should I buy or should I wait till I am sure
nah! I tell myself either or she or he can wear both
and if it's two there will no difference at all
for a new life has began
and that is all that it should count
the only thing I know is that the love will be the same
for either one or two, boy or girl it really doesn't matter
because the love I will get in return
will be more than life itself
and for that I am happy and blessed
would it be a girl or a boy?
who cares
all that matter now is
that
a new life has began


Good Riddance

It has been a liberation of many kinds
I have finally rid myself of you
of your antiques and bad temper
and the sadness and anger you carry in you
irate you are all the time
to the world within you
you blame others for what's happened to you
but cannot bare to face the truth
be a man and face it
look at yourself in the mirror and take a hard look
good riddance I am not longer with you
I was drowning in your sorry and only felt pity for you
gave you advice that you were not willing to take
you ask for honesty yet you do not want to hear my words
because you know they are true
good riddance I am no longer with you
You sailed, you worked far away but wanted to remain
at sea you were many times but deny to receive my calls
all messages were returned but never responded to
and even when you erase me from your life
I remain in it far in the distance and in your mind
I am now moving on and leaving you far behind
Good riddance I am not longer with you
You drove and flew imaginable distances to be with me
you said you loved me but those were only words
the words you thought I wanted to hear....how mistaken can one be?
you erred on the side of caution but never jumped in the water with me
but let me drowned
then threw me a life saver and left me at sea
in the middle of the infinite
with no food and no water
good riddance you got rid of me, I suppose
but I got rid of your long ago
when I finally realized, you were not a real man
good riddance you are no longer in my life






Saturday, June 20, 2009

Hated

I heard of a woman
who is hated by all
and she barely knows it
and if she does she lets it slide by
perhaps she knows but in silence she remains
she became the other woman
yet nobody knows why
there are rumors and stories
but no one knows the truth, the whole truth
she is hated by all but one man
who has remain by her side
loving her all this time
he loves her to death
while everyone hates it, for not reason
did she steal a man or not?
who knows, and who is certain that she did
do we know if the man who loves her stole her
from another man
but there are always two sides to every story
there is a woman who has made
the story to fit her own purpose in life
she wants people to feel sorry for her
oh yes, we feel sorry for her
but not fort he right reasons
she has it all wrong and has for the longest time now
all the sorrow she wanted for herself
has turned into pity from others
she is alone and was left behind long ago
she never moved on
when the OTHER woman remained in the scene all this time
and even though she is hated she loves
and is loved
by the one man
who stole her from her own man
even though everyone believes
that it was the other way around
open your mind and listen to her
not just hate her for no reason
you judge her but you don't want to be judge
God forbid what we could find
scattered in the inside of your closet
where nobody has dare to look
because of course you wouldn't do that
but if you did what then
would you want to be judge
the way you have judge the OTHER woman
i think not
put yourself in her place
but you wouldn't do that
because you are so enthrall in your life
and selfishly judge others but not yourself
give her a chance and you might find
someone you did not expect to see
how would you like to be


h
a
t
e
d





wear the pants

wear the pants if you want
but wear them well
wear them like the man you think you are
not like the man you wish to be
you mop around wishing to find
the exact words to describe what bothers you
yet the only things I hear are complaints
it is too hot
it is very cold
it's not hot enough
with you i am strong you tell me
yet i was left behind your bureau
forgotten like a piece of paper that had fallen behind
the crack
and down the crack I fell
while you were holding me in your arms
i hear your words, yet there is silence in them

your thoughts are like clusters of lard
slowly melting without having much effect

they slide out of the pan
right onto the pavement
and we all stepped all over them
because you want to wear the pants
yet you do not have the guts
to be the man you wish to be

you are meek and weak
and you will never be the man you wish to be
if you don't wear the right pants
that you wish you could

it is a false hope